Confused

Had a bit of strange day. Feeling fairly tired and still have to go out in about half an hour to do a couple of different talks tonight. Good time with some people from the schools work organisation that i work alongside talking and discussing the question of What is your default? We explored and thought about this question which proved to be very thought provoking and very deep for a Monday morning. The basic gist is, what is that place that you end up in when things go wrong, what is your default setting. It was interesting to discuss if this is something that we can change, is it possible to drag ourselves back up out of this place. We looked at Romans 7 and found it a common trait that we all know that we need to get on our knees and give it all up to God to lift us out of this place. Knowing this why is it that this is such a hard place to come in to. I think that much of it is that it is a place of honesty and vulnerability which is an uncomfortable place to come into. Still thinking a lot of this through, have no idea if that makes any sense to anyone other than me.

Found myself today getting really worked up about really small and completely insignificant things today that have no bearing upon what i am trying to do. Why can't i just let things like this go over my head. I hate the fact that i must over analyse these things and let them take a hold in my brain. Desperately trying to learn to let things go, i don't have enough energy to take on and analyse every little thing and detail.

Sorry for the scatter gun approach of just pouring everything out today but that's just where my brain is at the moment. Graham Coxon's art exhibition was quite interesting. I often find myself trying to understand and appreciate art but realise i am just not wired up that way. Having said that there were some interesting pieces and a few pieces that i really liked. Talking to Jo afterwards she has such a deeper understanding and appreciation. She also loved the fact that we got to walk down the mall and see the palace. I hate such things. Tourists ahhhhhh.

Better get myself in a better headspace (sorry) to speak tonight. It's great to know that so often in my tiredness and weakness God steps in and takes over, probably because i give him the space to.